Movie Reviews 207 – Santa’s Slay (2005)

Santas SlayI’m running a bit behind on my Christmas Holiday centric horror movie viewing and only recently got the chance to watch 2005’s Santa’s Slay which certainly has a promising title.

The film makers decided to start the movie off with a short Christmas Dinner scene in which our evil Santa descends on a dysfunctional family for no apparent reason and just starts killing them off, each in a different stylized manner. With cameos from Fran Drescher, James Caan (uncredited!), Chris Kattan and other semi-celebs, this intro ended up the highlight of the movie.

Bill Goldberg, everyone’s favorite (only?) Jewish pro wrestler plays the titular Santa with the muscle and cranial capacity one would expect of from someone with his ‘real’ daytime job. (Well as ‘real’ as wresting can get.) So why is Santa such a nasty and not the fun-loving jolly man you know? Seems that he was originally a baddie who lost a curling bet to an angel (Robert Culp)  at which time he was forced to be a good Santa for one thousand years. Well time’s up and not only is Santa catching up with every day nastiness, but he’s got a grudge with that angel and aims to get even through grandson Nicolas Yuleson (Douglas Smith). Most of the movie centers on Santa chasing Nicolas, his girlfriend Mary (Emilie De Ravin, Claire from Lost) and grandpa.

I can’t say it’s a terrible movie but it doesn’t have a lot going for it. The gags are mediocre at best and aside from some innovative scenes like Santa crashing in on a strip club and thrashing a Jewish deli, the rest is fairly boring. The FX are kid show quality as are most of the puns.

Appropriately filmed in Alberta, Canada and with minor roles played by our own Dave Thomas (hoser, eh?)  and Saul Rubinek you’d think I’d have more empathy with the film. But when it comes to Christmas horror movies, this one has the appeal of a lump of coal.

Sorry Santa.


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