Mega Piranha (2010)
Hot on the heels of Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus that starred 80’s teen sensation Debbie Gibson, our friends at Asylum pictures had to milk the proverbial Mega cow with Mega Piranha and this time opted for Debbie’s old no last name nemesis Tiffany as the ‘acting’ draw. But they didn’t stop there with the ‘has been’ casting, throwing in Barry Williams for good measure who will forever be known to us all as Greg from the Brady Bunch. Like it’s simplistic predecessors, this Mega movie’s plot is lame enough to make Charlie the Tuna groan. Some experimental piranha have escaped from a Venezuelan lab run by the US military and it’s up to a secret agent to put a stop to it with the help of the Tiff-meister (a bit chunkier from her singing days but you bought the DVD to see her ‘act’ right?). The fishies are growing at an alarming exponential rate that’ll make them house sized by the time they reach Florida and even good old nukes don’t seem to stop them. When you do eventually find out what finally does them in you’re gonna say ‘Huh?’. I don’t know what was silliest in this movie. Its a draw between the Spanish speaking Venezuelan colonel who trades in his Spanish accent for a New York accent as the movie progresses, or the notion that ‘sucking on a battery’ will somehow render it more powerful. Yeah, that bad. But it’s always fun to watch the sub-standard CGI piranha and really that is why we watch these movies. Sorry Charlie!